You Have My Attention: Spoken Word by Adei Batsuli

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I feel isolated, but at the same time inundated by all these uncertain predictions/

Surrounded by a bunch of people, but their all at a distance/

And their only intentions are just to survive through this pandemic/

When I comment and mention your name/

I get no response from the one that truly matters/

But I can post something on the internet and in five seconds get likes from people looking at me but paying no attention/

I’m hurting on the inside, but you already know that don’t you/

Believers and you word say/

If I hit my knees and pray I may receive a touch of healing, but if you already see that I need it than why won’t you/

I’m beyond asking for you to heal me, now I’m just wondering do you hear me/

Am I even on the radar of your existence/

Steeped in my affliction, like a tea bag in water/

Drowning from my pain because of a lack of being noticed or cared for/

And I don’t mean by the people who show me empathy/

I mean by the God who’s job is to hold me tenderly/

What do you do when God feels a billion miles away?

But everything else seems to lack personal space/

The weight on your shoulders, the thoughts in your head, the personal aches/

The mistakes in your past showing up in your presence today/

With an unpleasant bouquet of regrets, making request/

To have a seat at the table and fix it a plate/

Trying to nest next to your future, so that it can sabotage its potential/

I need a miracle/

Not the resurrection of somebody or making illness flee/

The miracle I need is amongst the a billion people sending you pleas/

Those with grief, those with joy, and those who truly need you to heal a disease/

Amongst all of those people, do you still see me?

I feel different than king David, when barbarians raided/

His home taking possessions and his family/

He returned from war exhausted crying out saying Lord, what do I do?/

Do I retreat or pursue?

And you responded with silence, just gave him strength for the journey.

I relate to Elijah when Jezebel was sending him death threats/

He figured death was the best bet/

Yet you didn’t acknowledge his request/

You responded with silence, just sent him food, to give him strength for the journey/

Jesus you know what this feels like/

You remember that still night/

In the garden of Gethsemane, when you told your favorite three/

to pray until the burden was released/

Then you hit your knees, giving up petitions so stressful that you started to bleed/

Because you knew in your future there was a death that carried the sins of all humanity/

And your request was Lord is there anyway that this come can pass from me/

And He responded with silence, just sent an angle, to give you strength for the journey/

I’m starting to see a pattern/

In every doubt, in every question/

In every sermon, in every message/

In every scripture, in every text/

In every prayer hurled up out of desperation/

The indication that I have God’s attention/

Is that I was not consumed by yesterday’s affliction/

Although I would love an audible voice to answer my prayers/

Giving me proof that the one my hope is anchored in is not a fluke/

I have something greater/

Every morning I wake up and say thank you/

It’s always in delay to when you say I see you/

You know my every need without me having to mention/

You’re so much in the details that you know the root cause of my hypertension/

Down to the second when anxiety became a terrorist against my sanity/

I worship a God that is incapable of producing anything other than victory/

Whether it’s here on earth, or in his presence in the heavenly’s/

The mere fact that I am able to have strength for the journey/

Is in essence God saying to me/

Amongst the a billion people seeking him, crying out to him, sending him pleas/

His attention will always be on me/